The Last Goodbye
by AtlasMonster
Summary: Major character death. 2 part (I think) piece inspired by The Antlers song, Kettering. Helena has one last chance to say goodbye to Myka. 22 hours and 19 minutes to say what she should have said so long ago. Bering & Wells.
1. Part 1: Alone

**The Last Goodbye, Part 1**

**A/N - This is just a 2 part (I think) piece that I felt the need to write after listening to The Antlers, Kettering. The song is about a hospice worker who falls in love with a terminally ill cancer patient, and so here is a horrible manifestation of the thoughts that followed. Sorry if this is like punching yourself in the face with the Minoan trident whilst sobbing 'you'll never lose this friend' over and over, because that's what it was like for me. WARNING – MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, PROCEED WITH CAUTION. IT'S NOT HAPPY. IT'S ANGSTY AND BADLY WRITTEN, FORGIVE ME. IT'S ALSO 1AM. I DON'T KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS.**

**[This is set post season 5, episode 1. EXCEPT Myka's cancer is **_**not**_** benign ahahahaha I'm so sorry, enjoy]**

Helena got the phone call at 4am. She squinted in the darkness at the caller ID. _Pete. _Fear instantly gripped in her heart.

"What's happened?" Her voice was shrill and panicked.

"Helena," Pete sounded lost.

"What's happened? Is she alright?"

There was no reply, only the sound of Pete's uneven breathing.

"No," Helena whispered, hands shaking. _Not Myka. No._

"Cancer," Pete eventually said.

_Cancer? _Helena's mind was reeling, tears began falling silently down her pale cheeks. _She must have known. Why didn't she tell me?_

Myka was gone. _Gone._ Helena had always braced herself for bad news, being over a century old, and working in the past as a Warehouse agent, she was no stranger to madness, other-worldliness, and danger. But cancer? What cruel twist of fate would take Myka from her with cancer?

"Were you with her when she…" Helena couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, her hand had found the hollow of her neck.

"No," Pete sounded distraught. "She was in the hospital alone. She told everyone she was going to see her parents. We believed her, why wouldn't we?" Pete was talking fast, taking heavy breaths in between each sentence. "Then… then I woke up at 2am. I had mega vibe, a real bad one, I felt in my chest, in my bones. The hospital called a few minutes later."

The silence stretched out on the phone. Helena didn't want to believe it. she wanted to go back to sleep, wake up from this horrible dream.

"Helena I am so sorry, we told her to call you but she didn't want you to worry. She didn't want anybody to worry." Pete was crying. "I told you. I told you I'd have her back, that I would always have her back, no matter what. But I didn't, I couldn't. I'm so sorry."

Helena's thoughts flashed back to the last time she had seen Pete in Wisconsin.

"_Keep her safe." Helena had said, as he packed the Pachycrocuta jawbone carefully into the jeep._

"_I always do. I've got her back". Pete had replied, looking at Helena, the woman he had learned to love as a friend. "Are you sure about this?" His words had a hidden meaning._

"_People do not give you enough credit, Mr Lattimer." Helena had replied with a raised eyebrow, looking over at Myka who was crouched down, talking to Adelaide. "She's better off without me. I'm a mess," Helena had laughed bitterly. "She'll be happier with me out of her life."_

_Pete had frowned at her, his guts screaming that this was wrong. But eventually he had nodded. Helena had to figure out her own issues._

"_I'll take care of her, don't worry."_

Helena snapped back to the present.

"Oh, Myka," Helena breathed, squeezing her eyes shut.

Pete was silent on the other end, then. "Nobody was with her, God she must have been so afraid." He whispered.

"Peter, you know you couldn't have saved her from this. No matter how hard you tried." Helena tried to reason with him, reason with herself.

"That doesn't stop it from hurting," Pete replied. N_o, it didn't._

_Is that H.G? _She heard down the line. Claudia's usually bright, brilliant voice was hollow and pained.

"Claudia?" Helena asked. _She's lost somebody else. How much suffering must we all endure?_

"H.G, she's gone." Claudia sobbed. "She's gone and none of us were there. We are her family, we_were_ her family, and none of us were there."

"Claudia, darling," Helena wished she could pull the young girl into her arms. "I'm coming, alright? I'll be there as soon as I can."

"We're going back to the B&amp;B," came the choked reply, then, "I miss her already."

"Oh Claudia, I miss her too." Helena said, her voice shaking as she tried to stop the pain that was crushing her heart. "I'm on my way."

—

Helena drove fast, tears drying on her face as the sun rose. _Why didn't she tell me?_

Then, _why didn't I tell her?_ Helena laughed sadly, shaking her head. _Tell her what? That you loved her but thought you would never be good enough for her? Because you were a coward, that's why._ Helena flexed her hands on the steering wheel. _Alone. She had been all alone._ The thought of Myka dying by herself in a cold hospital room with nobody to hold her made Helena want to rip her stomach out. _You had all the time in the world to tell her you loved her, and instead you said goodbye. Over and over, you let her go, and now it's too late._Helena glanced at the time on the dashboard as fresh tears welled in her eyes, she'd be home soon.

_Time. _H.G's eyes went wide, an idea forming in her mind. _Her time machine._

—

Helena made it to the B&amp;B, her car barely parked before she was running towards the door. She got to Claudia first, and the girl buried her head against Helena's chest. They stayed that way for a while, Helena gently stroking the young woman's shoulders. Then, Pete, Steve, Abigail, and finally Artie. He eyed her with his usual wary stare. Helena managed to laugh.

"I've missed that look of distrust."

"We've missed you," Artie said in his usual gruff voice as Helena embraced him in a light but meaningful hug.

She pulled away, and ran a hand through her hair. It didn't have it's usual calming effect, and so she restlessly jumped in. "I need to go to the Warehouse," she blurted out.

Artie's frown returned in full force. "The Warehouse? What for?"

"My time machine," Helena said, looking down to mask her desperate expression.

"Oh Helena, you of all people know, you cannot change the past." Artie placed a hand on her shoulder. "She's gone."

Helena inhaled slowly, an image of Myka's face clouded her mind. "I know Artie, believe me, I know. I won't try to save her." She said, although it pained her to say it aloud. "Artie, she died alone. _Alone. _But I can change that, please? You have to let me go."

It was as if everyone in the room realised what she had meant at the same time.

"You want to go back, so she's not alone when she…" Pete trailed off.

"Yes," Helena said. "For the 22 hours and 19 minutes before her death, she will have someone there, I can make sure of that."

"But the time machine was fried to bits after Paracelsus combined it with artifacts," Steve interjected.

"Yes, I heard about this Paracelsus fellow. I can fix it." Helena said with confidence. "Whatever he did, I can fix it. For one last trip, anyway." Now Helena turned to face them all. "I know, I have no right to ask to be the one who goes but…"

"No," Pete cut her off. "It should be you."

"Pete let me…"

"No, Helena. It's okay. She'd want to see you." Pete found himself smiling, ruefully. "She'd punch me for saying it, and then she'd yell at me, and probably punch me again, but, you were her_one_. We could all see it. Mrs Frederic could, hell, even Artie could. But you two had to be so damn stubborn the whole time." Helena swallowed, she knew all too well that their stubbornness had been costly. "Well, we all have our time machines, right H.G? Go and make sure she knows she's not alone."

Helena looked up at Pete as he finished. "Thank you," she whispered.

Pete looked at her sadly. "Will you do something though? Will you tell her hey from me?" And then as Helena nodded, Pete turned and walked out of the room.

"I'm coming with you to the Warehouse," Artie said, although Helena hadn't doubted it.

"Me too," Claudia said.

Helena nodded, grateful for their company. She would need all their strength if she was going to say goodbye to Myka, one last time.

**[part 2 will involve sick-Myka, and will deal with her death, and B&amp;W's final conversation. Ha ha ha I may delete this shit, who knows]**


	2. Part 2: Hospice

**A/N – Sorry it took so goddamn long to get this out. There may be another chapter to finish this off, we'll see. Enjoy (or don't) and thanks a bunch for the follows and such, you guys are the best.**

* * *

Myka hated the hospice beds. It wasn't that they were particularly uncomfortable, just it was very hard to lay in any other position besides being flat out on your back, what with all the tubes and wires protruding from her skin. She would have much preferred to be curled on her side, able to bury her head in a pillow. There was something inherently comforting about being in the foetal position, she felt protected, safe.

_Safe. _Myka laughed, a bitter taste in her mouth. _Safe from all wicked harm, bar the cancer that is poisoning my body from the inside out. _Myka blinked her eyes fast, scolding herself at her negativity.

"Pray, do tell what is it that has your eyes shut with such intensity."

The voice seemed to float through the room to Myka's ears. _Too much morphine. _She thought. _You're hearing things, stupid, intoxicating, decidedly British things. _

"Myka," _No._ She felt the air in the room calm, suddenly aware of the ringing in her ears, the soft beeping of her support machine, the muffled noises coming from the corridor. _It couldn't be._

"Myka," the voice said again, softer this time, and with no hint of its usual charm or confidence, and it had a different pitch, not like her Helena, but at the same time, she recognised it. "Please open your eyes, I…"

"What are you doing here?" Myka managed to say, keeping her eyes clamped shut, her voice harsh and angry. "How did you even find me?" She had told nobody where was. She hadn't wanted anybody to see her like this.

By the doorway, Helena took a breath, like she had been punched in the guts. She felt out of place, her head was throbbing from a sleepless night, from working non-stop on her machine, from being in somebody else's body. She was formulating a reply when a nurse appeared beside her.

"Ah, Myka," the man said, his tone was cheery. "I see you've already met your new carer."

"My what?" Myka whispered, finally forcing herself to look over at her company. Her heart pounded, and she swallowed hard as her gaze fell upon a foreign face, blonde hair, blue eyes. Not Helena Wells. _I'm going crazy._

"Your new carer," the man said, oblivious to the uneasy tension in the small room. "Don't you remember, Eve has gone on maternity leave? Emily here has transferred from, ah where was it you said?"

"Wisconsin." Helena said quietly.

"Yes, yes," the nurse smiled.

"No," Myka choked.

"No?" The nurse looked between the two of them in confusion. "Myka, there's no need to worry. I've been assured you are in very capable hands." He said, beaming as though his words had fixed everything. "Now, I'll leave you two to get to know each other, if you'll excuse me, I have a few rounds to attend. Call if you need anything." He smiled warmly before disappearing down the hall.

Silence enveloped the room, Myka had returned her gaze to the ceiling, counting the specks in the tiles above her. She could feel the stranger watching.

Eventually, Helena stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She walked over to the bed.

"No," Myka said again, her head shaking.

"Myka, please." Helena reached out to for her hand.

"Don't touch me." Myka spat, and Helena recoiled at the malice in her voice. "You can't be here. How the hell are you here? It is you, right?" Her voice was uneven. "Helena?"

"Yes, it's me."

The confirmation was enough to set Myka's pulse racing. _Helena._

"You're in a different body…what is going on? Are you stuck? Is it an artifact? Is that why you're here? You need my help?"

The barrage of questions threw Helena off guard. _How could she think that is why I'm here? _

When Helena didn't reply, Myka frowned and then, as if all at once she understood.

"Your time machine."

Helena hesitated to reply. "Yes," she said, her voice tentative.

"You don't need my help?"

"No,"

"Then that means…"

Helena didn't say anything. She only watched as realisation dawned on Myka's pale face.

"I'm dead."

Again Helena didn't speak. She didn't need to. The room was still, neither of the women willing to say anything.

"Why are _you_ here, Helena?" Myka eventually asked.

Helena's heart dropped. The unspoken _why isn't Pete here?_ was loud and clear.

Helena didn't know what to say. She had thought it through over, and over, but for all the words in the English language she had no idea how to express herself in this moment. She had never been able to express herself when it came to Myka. That was the whole problem.

"I'm…I just," Helena struggled, but in the end it didn't matter because Myka interrupted her incoherent stuttering.

"You can't do this to me again." Her voice was angry.

Helena steadied her breathing. "Do what?"

Myka laughed. _As if she didn't know. _"Do the thing you do best, and you've done it _over_ and _over_." Myka's voice didn't sound like her own. "You arrive just in time to cause chaos, and then you leave. You leave as if nothing mattered." Her words were barely audible as she finished. "Say goodbye as if nothing mattered."

"You think it didn't matter?" Helena said, incredulous.

"Well did it?" Myka turned to lock eyes with the infuriating woman standing by her side. They both knew what they were really talking about. The last time they had seen each other. _You'll never lose this friend._

Helena shook her head, unable to comprehend what was happening. "Of course it mattered."

"You could have fooled me," Myka said, and Helena saw the pain in that admission. She _had_ fooled Myka at first. Gained her confidence, her friendship, played with her trust. The regret she held for her actions was insurmountable. But since then, it had been different. She had no angle to play, no hand in an evil scheme, she wasn't hell bent on destroying the world. She'd wanted to be happy. She had wanted Myka to be happy.

"You must know," Helena found herself pleading. "Surely you must know, that everything I did in that godforsaken Warehouse was to save you. Every single time I said goodbye to you, I was doing it to save you." Helena turned her around, clenching her fists in frustration.

"Save me from what? You? How many times do people have to tell you this Helena before you'll believe it - you're not the bad guy." Myka tried to keep her high running emotions out of her voice. "Besides, what if I didn't want you to save me? What if I wanted something else? Something which didn't involve your self-sacrifice at the end of each encounter." Myka was angry. Angrier still that she was stuck in this bed, powerless to do anything but let the situation unfold.

"Each encounter?" In her foreign body Helena still managed to pull off the snarky eyebrow, the know-it-all tone of voice. "I think you'll find that I only sacrificed myself twice, darling. One act was never completed by the intervention of Mr Diamond and Mr Jinks, and the other didn't even occur on our current timeline." Just like that, Helena's old confidence returned.

"I don't mean literally, Helena, and you know it." Myka's voice trembled. "What I mean, is you believing that sacrificing your happiness would make everyone else happier, make _me _happier. When you said goodbye in Wisconsin, it didn't make me happy. How could it? It was like losing you all over again. And that time you had a choice." Myka reminded herself to breath. "You didn't choose me."

Helena wanted to scream. _Of course she would have chosen Myka. She'd choose Myka over and over if she could. But she wasn't good enough. She wasn't good enough for Myka, for the Warehouse, for Christina. _

"What do you want me to say? That if we could go back and do it all over, I'd leave them and come back to the Warehouse and everything would be just fine and dandy?" Helena found it easier to get angry than to deal with the turmoil of other emotions that were currently ripping her heart to shreds.

"Yes!" Myka's sob was painful. "That's exactly what I want you to say."

"You'd still be dying, Myka. We'd still lose you."

Myka tried to keep her own anger in check. "That's not the point. You could have been with us for _months_. Instead you were off playing happy families in suburbia, leaving us to figure everything out on our own." _Leaving me on my own. _"You're saying you'd do it all over again? Stay with them? Forget about the Warehouse and your real family?" _Forget about me?_

_No. _Helena felt tears brimming in her eyes. "I… I wouldn't…I'm not…"

"You're not what?" Myka spat.

"I'm not good enough," Helena's reply was but a whisper.

"What?" Myka's forehead creased in confusion.

"I couldn't come back with you, because I'm not good enough. You deserved-" Helena stopped herself. "You _all_ deserved better than me. Psycho-arch-villain Helena with motherhood issues and past inclinations for world annihilation? I could never be a part of your family."

Myka's face fell. "Oh, Helena. You already _were_ family. You were _always_ good enough."

At the foot of her bed, Helena squeezed her eyes shut. "Not for Artie, or Pete, for that matter," a sad laugh escaped her lips.

"You were for me," Myka murmured, and Helena looked up and caught her gaze. It was just a moment, but she saw raw emotions on Myka's face that she didn't dare hope to hold onto. She looked away and shook her head. _How could things have gone so wrong?_

"We could have had _months._" This time when Myka said 'we', Helena got the feeling she wasn't talking about the team. It made her heart thud loudly in her chest.

"I'm here now," she eventually said.

"And now it's too late." Myka tried to blink away the tears that were fast forming.

There is was, it was never gone for too long. _Cancer. _Suddenly the past didn't matter. Myka was dying.

"Not quite," Helena's voice was hopeful. "We have…" She checked her watch. "21 hours, and 14 minutes." She cursed internally that it had taken her so long to con her way into the hospital.

Myka let out a soft laugh. "And then I die."

"And then you die," Helena echoed quietly.

For the first time since Helena had walked into the room, Myka smiled.

"Why are you smiling?" Helena asked, relieved to see any glint of the old Myka, but concerned all the same.

"Because that's the most honest thing anyone has said to me in my entire stay here." Myka let out a bitter chuckle. "They sugar coat everything, avoiding the subject of death like it's the plague, despite the fact that I _came_ here to die. So, no more lies," Myka said, and Helena opened her mouth to respond. _She hadn't lied, she didn't deserve Myka. _"And no more half-truths or hidden truths, or wallowing in self-pity. Just honesty." Myka finished and Helena dipped her head in consent.

"May I?" She motioned towards the chair next to Myka's pillow. Myka nodded in response, her flecked green eyes bore into the blue ones that Helena currently possessed. Helena sat and gently reached out for Myka's hand, taking it in her own.

Myka sighed. It wasn't the same. She wasn't holding Helena's smooth, pale, dextrous hands, but it was comforting still. Helena's new thumb brushed over the back of Myka's hand, soft, relieving, _there._

"Why are you here?" She asked, voice tired.

"To say goodbye," Helena frowned.

"No," Myka's eyes had shut again. "Why are _you _here, Helena?"

_Because I love you._


End file.
